Young Moms With Big Dreams

YOUNG MOMS IS BACK

2008-07-02T13:44:00.000-07:00

It has been quite some time now since the blog has been updated, but it is going to be bigger, better, and stronger this time around. I originally planned on being the only blogger but I have met someone who I think could give some insight in areas that I am not familiar with. Her name is Marissa Siltberg. She is 22, engaged, with 2 kids, and I am sure she will tell her story and how she will contribute to the new blog. Some of the changes that you can expect on the website will be, a place to share you baby story or life story, recognition areas for your acomplishents, kid of the week, and some other fun things. Some issues that we will now be covering in articles will deal with single parents, being young and married, how to lose the baby weight, quick and easy recipes, more on baby daddy issues, and also entering the dating world with a child or maybe even 2 or 3. Please fill free to comment with things that you want to hear about. I look forward to seeing your comments!

Danay Gare

Tips on How To Pay For College

2007-10-01T08:33:00.000-07:00

More than likely when you go to college, you will fall short on all your college expenses. Here are a few ways to help ease this.

1. If you are a minority, check your religion-based colleges. A lot of colleges like this don’t have a lot of minorities, so they will pay you (in the form of tuition) to go there. This usually covers housing, meal plans, books, and any other tuition. It may involve abiding by a lot of religious requirements, but it might be worth it if you can’t afford college at all.

2. Dont skip over the scholarships that only give out a couple hundred bucks. It doesn’t seem like a lot because your tuition will be several thousand, but your FAFSA will cover a big chunk of it, so the smaller scholarships can be helpful in helping you take care of things that FAFSA doesn’t cover. The smaller scholarships usually start at $500, so a few of those and you are good.

3. Make sure you file as an independent on your FAFSA form. You are considered independent because you have a child and this way no matter how much money your parents make, it won't affect your grants.

4. Apply early. The sooner you apply, the more grant money you get. You will always get the Stafford loans, but you want to stay away from them as much as possible because you have to pay those back.

5. Appeal your financial aid at school if it isn’t enough to meet your expenses. Your school has more money to give out, but you have to ask them for it. Let them know that you have more expenses than the average college student and they will try to give you a little extra. It might not be a lot but every little bit helps.

6. Apply for childcare expenses. You can apply for childcare expenses through your school even if you get childcare assistance through the government. They will give you up to $2000.

7. Try to find a campus that offers housing for families. Usually on campus housing costs less than off campus housing. It also comes with a lot of amenities such as, cable, internet, and all your utilities included in the rent.

It came be difficult at times trying to figure out how you are going to pat tuition, but make sure you keep in mind that every little bit helps. I hope this is of some help. Stay focused and follow your dreams.

from another young mother

Five ways to know if your man is holding you back from your dreams

2007-09-19T11:03:00.000-07:00

1. He doesn't have any dreams. If your man doesn't have any dreams of his own then he is probably satisfied with the way life is now whether you are content or not. He doesn't feel he is capable of doing anything so he won't try. If you feel it necessary to be with him, try to help him re-build his self-confidence to gain his own goals. If this doesn't work and he still hasn't found his dreams and/or goals maybe you should move on.

2. He is not dependable. If you have an important meeting or appointment you need to be at and he stands you up, then he might not take you very seriously. You need someone who is going to be there when he says he will be in order to make sure you get done what you need. If you find your man doing this, talk to him about it. He might not realize how important something is to you. If you find yourself constantly depending on him, but he usually fails to deliver, maybe you should not rely on him at all or divvy up responsiblities. My husband and I write down what needs to be done and then split it up and each person is held accountable for their list. For example, if we need to apply for childcare assistance, finish our move, pay the car payment, and get the kids medical records, he is making the car payment and finishing the move, and I am doing the rest. This might help if your man is unclear of the things he needs to be doing to help you guys better your future.

3. He only supports you half the time. If you find that your man is constantly in and out of your life as he feels, then he might not be right for you. Men have a way of changing your plans, so if he is constantly coming in and out, your plans may become to complicated to keep up with. Try to keep things as simple as possible in your life, so you can stay on top of things.

4. He has other kids he doesn't take care of. This is always a red flag for me about what this man is going to be about. If he doesn't take care of his others kids when stuff gets tough, then he will probably do the same to you. I am not saying that this is always the case but watch these men carefully and make them earn your trust.

5. He keeps finding ways to set you back. When I lived in a shelter, I met this girl who had just had a baby. Her man was very controlling and openly admitted to getting her pregnant so she wouldn’t do anything. Unfortunately, it worked. He would never come and get the baby when she needed to go on job interviews or school. Ultimately, he made her leave the shelter because he didn't want her to have her own apartment. He made her go and stay with his sister, which really gave him complete control over her destiny. Simply put: this man was setting her back. She came to the shelter to start the process for improving her life but he kept putting obstacle after obstacle in front of her. First, the baby, then having her move to his sister's house. If you see that a man you’re with constantly places obstacles in your path to success, do whatever you can to get away from him. This shows serious insecurity on his part and don’t waste your time trying to fix it. I consider these men dangerous. Anybody who wants you all to himself in a possessive way is a harm to your dreams and you physically.

The bottom line: make sure you are the decider of your future. Follow your dreams no matter how hard it gets. Sometimes it will be tough, whether it be a man or financial problems, but stick through and you will overcome. God bless and protect yourself.

15 Money Rules

2007-09-03T18:24:00.000-07:00

1. Communicate with your bank. Most young moms have had kids before we have had a checking account. Even so, you still need to know to talk to your bank. You need to let your bank know when something happens and how you plan to fix it. If you’re checking account goes over drawn, explain the situation to the bank. Usually, as a gesture of good will they will usually remove the fees the first few times. Make sure, however, you don’t abuse it because after a while it gets old and you will destroy the trust you’ve built with the bank.

2. Try to stay away from writing checks. Some businesses sit on them for weeks. You may think your check has cleared a long time ago, but it might not be the case. Get in the habit of going to the bank and getting cash.

3. Only go to ATM that is a part of your bank. The $1 and $2 fees the banks charged that aren’t a part of your bank network add up over the course of the month. Try to plan ahead so you are not stuck in a position to have to use your ATM card somewhere you don’t want to.

4. Balance your checkbook daily. Make sure you write down your expenses to the penny because sometimes the bank will have made a mistake and you will lose 5 bucks here and there. If you have a partner, get in the habit of writing down what you spent at the end of the day, so you are on the same page the next day.

5. Buy in bulk. It is safe to say your baby will be wearing size 3 diapers for at least the next two months so by the boxes. It may seem cheaper to buy the cheap bag but it definitely adds up in the long run.

6. Don’t spend money that you don’t have. Don’t count on paychecks coming in or your sister said she would give you $50 for groceries. More than once I have spent money knowing I was getting paid in a week and something unplanned came up and I was in trouble.

7. Make a plan to pay things back monthly. Write down your monthly bills and break it up into weekly amounts that you need to pay each week. Put it somewhere you will look all the time like on the fridge. If it seems that you won’t make ends meat this month, prioritize. Pay something that is a necessity like electricity before you pay the cable bill. If you have money after that, pay things in the order of the one with the highest interest. If your cell phone bill charges you about $50 bucks extra per month and your cable is only going to be $25, then pay your phone bill.

8. Do things one at a time. Add bills at a slow pace. If you want have a credit card only get one to make sure you can handle it. If you realize you can handle the credit card and you want to add a cell phone, make sure you wait until you are sure you can handle the credit card and your other bills.

9. If you get a credit card don’t let it get more than half of its available balance. If you have a $600 max, don’t let it get above $300. At that point you need to pay it off. It looks really good on your credit and it shows self-control.

10. Don’t get a credit card. Even though I talk about credit cards and how to pay them, I personally don’t like credit cards. I think they are a trap. Credit seems like monopoly money, so it is a lot easier to spend. Don’t get in the habit of putting things on credit. Try to pay cash when you can and if not save up to get it and then pay cash. You will appreciate whatever it is a lot more if you have to save to pay for it.

11. Don’t talk to people about how much money you have. You will notice your friends will be nicer when they know you have money in your pocket. Keep that to yourself to avoid any fake problems.

12. Make a conscious decision on when you are going to start building credit. Be careful how you handle your credit because if you mess up your credit, it could stop you from getting that car or house in the future.

13. Don’t put things on your credit for other people. If somebody needs to rent a car or get a hotel that is there problem not yours. This could easily turn into something bad with the closest of friends. Remember that if you do something for someone else on your credit and it goes bad, this could stop you from having good credit and negatively affecting things you may be able to do for your kids later on like STUDENT LOANS.

14. Don’t borrow money that you can’t pay back. If you do borrow money, make sure you let the person know that it will take a while to pay it back. If they agree to that, then okay. Only borrow money when you need to. It may come a time when you really need someone to help you and it would be nice if you hadn’t burned your bridges with that person.

15. Don’t lend out money that you need. The only person that is going to do WHATEVER for you and your baby is you, so don’t expect someone to go out of their way to pay you back. Once you give them the money, it is up to them when you get your money back. Don’t play games like that with your life.

I hope this is helpful to those of you who, like me, are young moms with big dreams out there. It’s important as young moms that we understand the importance of managing our money and learning how to deal with money because money definitely plays a keep role in ensuring that we pursue our big dreams.

Much love,

Another young mother

Something To Fight For

2007-09-03T06:30:00.000-07:00

Before I had my son, I was going through a lot. I was having trouble at home with my parents, school was getting overwhelming, and I seemed to always be dating the wrong guy. I was depressed and extremely lonely. I had no one to talk to and no one that understood me. Many times, I sat down and tried to figure out what was good in my life. I couldn't think of anything. The truth is I felt I had nothing because my self-esteem was so destroyed. Unfortunately, I spent most of my pregnancy with these same feelings of inadequacy and depression.

To make matters worse, my boyfriend began hitting me near the end of my pregnancy. Because of my lack of self-esteem during this period, it would have been easy for me to accept and tolerate this treatment. After all, I was so in love with this boy I would have let him do anything to me and for a while I did. He cheated on me right in my face, hit me, constantly disrespected me, and I did nothing.
The moment I saw my son, however, that all changed.
I simply couldn't let my son watch someone put their hands on me, degrade me and call me all kinds of foul language and words. Raising and providing a stable life for my son was my one chance to do something right and I didn’t want to mess it up. I knew that if I continued on this path, my son’s fate would be sealed by how I was living my life, and I didn’t want to give my baby over to a life of worthlessness.
The birth of my son gave me the courage I needed to change my life. I decided from that day on I would no longer give my boyfriend,the power to destroy me or my son. Although my tumultuous relationship with my boyfriend continued for a short time longer after my son’s birth, it didn’t last long. In a short time, I found the courage to believe in myself. I eventually had my boyfriend arrested for domestic abuse and that ended our relationship and changed my life completely for the better.
Since that time, I have learned to love myself. I have also realized and made the determination that I am responsible for not only my life but the life of my son. He is my future and my family’s legacy, and I will do anything I can to instill him with a great sense of pride and belief in himself. Anytime I feel depressed or doubt my abilities to do this, I think about where I have been, what I have overcome, and the people I have survived. Most importantly, I remember what I have fought for: my son.
I love you Daniel,
Your Mom!

Top Twenty Jobs Without a Degree

2007-09-03T00:10:00.000-07:00

CNN also published a list of the top jobs without a degree at all. Some of these looked pretty interesting. Dental Hygienist is on there with over $50,000. This could be something to do as a career or something to hold you over to you finish school and get the job you really want. Make sure you find a job that you like and can afford to live doing. Don’t let the only reason you do the job be money.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/Careers/02/24/cb.no.degree.jobs/

Top Ten Best Paying Jobs With An Associates Degree

2007-09-02T23:59:00.001-07:00

This is CNNs list of top ten paying jobs with an Associates Degree. After two years you could be making over forty thousand a year. Take a look at these and see if anything sparks interest. Please let me know if this is useful to you. If someone is into one of these jobs please write and let us know how it is. For those of you in high school, there is a program called PSEO for high school students to earn college credit. You can do up two years. If you plan it correctly you could pretty much be done with your associates when you leave high school. Talk to whatever help you have at school to get you more info. The best part is that it is completely free. Even your textbooks are free and you can sell those back to the school at the end of the year.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/Careers/05/04/cb.associates/

New Moms Documentary

2007-08-28T17:24:00.000-07:00

Not Enough Hours Today

2007-08-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up, made breakfast for my daughter, and started to write down my list of things to do for the day. As I finished up, I realized I had too much stuff to do. I have about 15 loads of laundry that have been calling my name for about a month now, and I am still waiting on God to give me strength...or a maid! I have to talk to my daycare worker because I start school in about a week and none of that stuff is figured out yet. I need to try to make space for all of our things in our crowded apartment and go the government center. I need to talk to the people at my school about registering for classes. I know, classes start in a week! Oh crap, and I forgot to pay my car note again. Don't be surprised if you read in a few days it got re-poed. There are so many things on my mind today; I must have spent an hour just thinking about them. I don't think I can handle another one of these days. I better get up, cook dinner, and get my attitude together. Daniel and Ella want to play and they quite frankly don't care if I am tired or busy. I guess it will be one of those days where I will be up doing laundry to like midnight. I wish I had two washers...or a maid! For now, I will settle with what I got because it was free! I'm thankful for everything I have gotten because gratitude is something I've come to be thankful for as a young mother with big dreams!

For all the young mothers

2007-08-27T10:37:00.000-07:00

When I was in high school, I went to a alternative school for young moms. This was like no other school I had ever seen. I was used to going to school with an actual cafeteria with several choices for lunch, teachers that taught one subject at time in class, and students who only seemed to be worried about normal teenage things. but when I ended up at Broadway this was different. We ate in our gymnasium bagged lunches, the teachers were teaching Algebra, Geometry, and basic math, all in the same classroom. The woman there were all mothers or expecting and their biggest concerns were finishing school, finding housing, and taking care of their babies. I had finally reached a place that I needed, seeing as a was a mother. I had gone to high schools that had daycare cares in them but weren't completely geared to help me and I had finally found a place were I could go and get my life back together and start planning my life without being judge for its backwardness.
While I attended this school I became extremely fascinated with the girls there and their stories. Whenever I spoke to someone there, they would tell me all these things they wished they could do, but would never be able to. The woman here had so much passion, so many goals, dreams, aspirations, and nothing to do with them. As I noticed this I started to think about how I could help them and how I could support them. But much like them I had my own dreams that I wasn't living.
This made me start to reflect on my life. I decided to make a list of every dream I have ever had and work to achieve it. One of my dreams was to write a book. A book to help young moms figure out away to spare the children this challenging life we endure. My book is for our babies and this blog is for you. Please enjoy!
With love from,
Another young mother